Something New Everyday

When you have lost a loved one, in the beginning, it feels as though joy will never find you again. That’s probably because you must seek out the joy in your life. It doesn’t come looking for you. In the beginning, you don’t have the strength to look for anything, but as time passes, you start to notice the wonders of your own life again. You notice your family, your friends, and all the things that make you smile and laugh again. It could be your pet, your garden, or maybe shopping, cooking, or dancing. I attended a bereavement group shortly after my loss. I heard words that still continue to resonate with me. “Mourn with those who mourn, and rejoice with those who rejoice.” That makes so much sense. It was much harder in the beginning but as each day passes, and I find myself in a place of celebration, like a wedding or a party or social setting, I remind myself that these occasions are in the “rejoice” category so if I bring up my lost love, it is with a good memory so as not to cloud anyone’s joy. In the beginning there were places I could not be present because all I wanted to do was talk about my loss and how much I missed my husband. I found out very quickly that people’s responses were not always helpful. I shared my grief in the wrong place one time and was met with a response I did not expect to hear. I was told I was feeling sorry for myself and was given an analogy involving a bus ride. The person told me that if you believe in the hereafter, losing a loved one is like watching them catch a bus, and you are left behind at the depot. I had to really think about that because when I shared the same feelings of grief at my bereavement group, I was consoled. It was okay to mourn with my group. I realize that those who have had a great loss can be more understanding, but dealing with death is a very personal journey. We will all encounter it at some point, and the way we have lived our lives before the death will fortunately, or unfortunately, guide us. I was always a glass-half-full person before, but death makes you feel like your glass or tank is bone dry. I had to shed the tears to fill the glass again. So I am on my way on this journey, seeking joy in even the smallest of things. Lately it’s my cat who came to live with us four months before my husband passed away. She depends on me for so much…food, attention, food, attention. You get the idea. So I find myself joyful each day that I am greeted with this furball in my face demanding “NOW…NOW…NOW”. Look for your joy. It’s there waiting for you.